Planting roots in the Amazon Jungle — and in myself. Some lessons take years to grow into. 🌱
Yes, you read that correctly.
I was already an executive. We were in my annual review, working through the constructive feedback portion, when my boss said:
Silvia, you are so calm and grounded. I want to see you have more spark, more fire. Be more Latina.
Time stood still.
My natural response to difficult moments has always been to get very quiet — to give myself space to absorb and process whatever is coming my way. As a highly empathetic kid growing up in an excitable household, it was a defense mechanism that served me well. However, in that moment, I had no idea whether it was a gift or a liability.
What I did know was this: something deep inside me had just been set at odds with itself.
My identity as the calm one, the peacemaker, the composed and capable achiever — all of it suddenly felt like it was in conflict. And layered underneath all of that was something even more powerful: a deeply held value of respecting authority.
I carried that moment not for weeks, but for years.
I turned it over and over, trying to reconcile which version of myself would win out. Trying to find a way to make it all fit together into something that looked like a respected leader. And in the end, that one piece of feedback began to quietly unravel who I was — and I hated myself for letting it.
I became less poised. Less measured. I gave feedback to my team in ways that were curt — by my own standards, disrespectful. I spoke out in meetings in ways I never would have before, and my team noticed.
One moment stands out in particular. A team member pulled me aside and said
You are the toughest boss I have ever had — and I worked in DC.
That cut me to my core.
It was the moment I decided to stop trying to be “more Latina” — and start finding my way back to myself.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because as a leader, you will receive a lot of feedback over the course of your career. Some of it will be invaluable. Some of it will be wrong for you. And your job — one of the most important responsibilities you have as a leader — is to discern which is which.
Taking on feedback that isn’t aligned with who you are doesn’t just feel bad. It adds an enormous amount of cognitive load to an already full plate. And that load will pull you out of executive function and closer to survival mode — a place where your worst instincts lead and your best judgment struggles to follow.
The choice of who you are as a leader is yours. Today. Tomorrow. Next year.
Choose wisely. Choose you.
