Some of those early lessons came in the form of frameworks I still use today, like the 80/20 rule (covered in Episode 2) and Systems Thinking (touched on in Episode 1). These were concepts I encountered within the first few years of my corporate career, and they became the backbone of how I think about leadership.
Alongside those frameworks, I also developed a deep appreciation for the psychology behind great leadership. That foundation was laid in the hallowed halls of my alma mater, UC Davis — and forged even more deeply when I became a Certified NLP Coach and Master Trainer.
And just to be clear: my NLP is Neuro-Linguistic Programming, not the AI version — Natural Language Processing. In my opinion, NLP was the most powerful tool available (pre-neuroscience) for explaining why we behave the way we do, and how to create radical, lasting change.
Which brings me to the moment I got triggered — by triggers.
Early in my career, I had the privilege of working at a company with an exceptional reputation for leadership. It was an organization that had gone through a massive cultural and organizational shift, successfully moving out of its “petulant teen years” and into a new level of maturity. As part of that evolution, the leadership team introduced a concept called Triggers.
The idea came from a real place of need. As the company faced significant change — a new, more demanding CEO, higher expectations around strategic thinking and executive presence — some leaders rose to the challenge. Others struggled. Emotions ran high, and reactions in executive meetings weren’t always constructive.
So in a well-meaning effort, the team introduced “Triggers” as a tool: a way to name the difficult emotions surfacing in meetings, helping leaders catch themselves, pause, and stay present with the business conversation at hand.
But here’s where it went wrong.
The word became a cudgel. Instead of serving as a personal reminder to pause and refocus, it became a way to excuse behavior — “Sorry for yelling, I’m just triggered right now” — or worse, a weapon — “You need to stop, because you’re triggering me.”
And here’s the thing: when you’re in survival mode, it’s incredibly hard to get out of it — especially when you’re already at the edge of your capacity. Simply saying the word “triggered” wasn’t going to be enough to stop the spiral. I knew that from my training, and it frustrated me deeply.
I felt disappointed that we hadn’t given leaders the actual tools to make a real difference — that instead of addressing the wound, we’d slapped a Band-Aid on it. Looking back, I wish I had felt more empowered to share what I knew. So here, belatedly, are the tools I would have offered:
- Breathe — deeply, and exhale at a rate twice as slow as your inhale. It physiologically signals your nervous system to calm down.
- Get support — if everything at work is triggering you, that’s a signal. Reach out to a therapist, coach, or trusted loved one.
- Sleep — eight hours matters more than most leaders admit. If you’re struggling, get help. A temporary sleep aid is far better than running on empty (and no, alcohol doesn’t count — for so many reasons).
- Take a personal day — find a way to step away, reset, and reground yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup.
- Laugh — sometimes a genuine shift in state is all it takes to shake loose the negativity and make a little room for optimism.
So tell me — what are your go-to’s? What helps you release that pent-up cortisol and find your way back to center? I’d love to hear from you. 👇
